This week marks two years precisely since our first miscarriage. I almost didn’t remember…until I did. I’m not normally in the habit of marking the anniversaries of our miscarriages – or even the due dates any more. For a start, I am yet to find any sort of ritual I feel comfortable with. But also there […]
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about things that help. Not just in those initial raw, grief-soaked days and weeks after a loss, but in the longer term. I took part in Bide & Bloom’s #thebigselfcareshare the other week, and it’s been on my mind a lot since then. One thing I didn’t mention in […]
I’ve been thinking a lot about what I thought I would write for this week – it’s Baby Loss Awareness Week in the UK right now – and honestly? I’ve struggled. I feel like it deserves my best ‘content’, my best efforts. Me at my most opinionated, campaigning, vociferous self. But my heart is just […]
I’m often late. Not by a lot, just by five or ten minutes, usually. Enough to make me sweat and feel like everything is a disaster. It’s something I really dislike about myself and I’m never quite sure why it happens, because I’m a pretty organised person at heart. Perhaps it’s eternal optimism. Trying to […]
This week Tommy’s launched its Together For Change campaign, which – if you haven’t seen the videos on social media already – is all about ending the silence and stigma around all forms of baby and pregnancy loss. Along with lots of other brilliant people who talk and write about this subject, I am in […]
There is a print on the wall of the ultrasound room in the unit where they run our recurrent miscarriage clinic. It’s of a red heart, drawn in a swirly, slightly abstract way. Possibly it says ‘amour’ underneath in faux-romantic script. When I’m there, I always think I should make a note of what it […]
Stay positive. Just relax. Don’t stress. How often do you hear these things in relation to pregnancy or trying to conceive? I know they’re words well meant. But, actually, I find this always-look-on-brightside philosophy supremely unhelpful when it’s foisted upon me. In fact, nothing is guaranteed to fill me with more rage and general ill […]
And just like that, the due date for pregnancy number three has passed. In my head this was a big milestone. That somehow once it was behind us it would feel like freedom. Release. A neat conclusion to this over-long, unhappy chapter. The end. Fin. But, of course, there is no finish line to this […]
Nowhere is the dividing line more sharply drawn between women than between mothers and non-mothers. It transcends almost everything. Class. Race. Sexuality. Wherever you’re coming from, so the conventional wisdom has it, there’s a unifier there. A shared conversation. You’re a mum, so you understand. Just wait until you have children, then you’ll get it. It […]
