Am I a mother?

Nowhere is the dividing line more sharply drawn between women than between mothers and non-mothers. It transcends almost everything. Class. Race. Sexuality. Wherever you’re coming from, so the conventional wisdom has it, there’s a unifier there. A shared conversation. You’re a mum, so you understand. Just wait until you have children, then you’ll get it.  It… Continue reading Am I a mother?

How to feel better after a miscarriage

I originally wrote this as a Guest List for Clemmie Telford's brilliant blog Mother Of All Lists. But I thought I really should share it on here, too. I wrote this in the fog of miscarriage number 3, signed off work, in a slightly frenetic mood trying to Do Something (anything) to feel normal again.… Continue reading How to feel better after a miscarriage

No news is good news

‘I’ll say this straight away,’ the consultant says as he pushes opens the door to his office. ‘I’m not going to tell you anything bad. It’s not bad news. ‘All the tests results came back negative. We didn’t find anything. And that’s good. I’ll quickly explain why.’ He starts rattling through all the different clotting… Continue reading No news is good news

Bad days

Last week was a bad week. Not so much the blues as the mean reds, as Holly Golightly has it. Suddenly you’re afraid and you don’t know what you’re afraid of. The 14th marked a whole year since our first miscarriage. And while I’m feeling a bit brighter now, I thought I would take the opportunity… Continue reading Bad days

Not pregnant, not drinking

Back in November, just as most sensible people were gearing up for the Christmas onslaught of office parties, lunchtime mulled wine, and endless oh-go-on-then prosecco, I decided to stop drinking. I did 30 completely dry days to start with. Then gave myself a bit of leeway for a couple of parties and work events, but… Continue reading Not pregnant, not drinking

2017: The year I learnt to fail

There’s a meme that surfaces on social media in January: I can’t believe it’s been an entire year since I didn’t become a better person. Well, the new year is almost here and I can’t believe it’s been an entire year since I didn’t become a mother. Last January was, ironically, the first January in… Continue reading 2017: The year I learnt to fail

Hey jealousy: The unbearable envy that comes with miscarriage

'Clear your diaries, get the time booked off... I’m not sure how much news this really is, but anyway, it’s April.’ With these wry words the BBC’s Simon McCoy announced the due date of the Duchess of Cambridge’s third child. April. I took a deep breath. Why did it have to be April? My baby was supposed… Continue reading Hey jealousy: The unbearable envy that comes with miscarriage

A few words: What to say and do when someone you know has a miscarriage

What to say when someone has a miscarriage

Words matter. Words can hurt, but they can also heal. Back in August, the brilliant people at The Miscarriage Association launched an equally brilliant campaign on what to say when someone you know has a miscarriage. Everyone’s different, of course, but based on real-life experiences they’ve put together a list of what’s helpful to hear… Continue reading A few words: What to say and do when someone you know has a miscarriage

The box under the bed: making miscarriage visible

The problem with miscarriage is that as well as being silent – i.e. no one really talks about it – it’s also invisible. Often there’s been no pregnancy announcement, there was no visible bump, no scan pictures, no ‘gender reveal’; no evidence at all, in fact, that there ever was a baby. And it’s hard… Continue reading The box under the bed: making miscarriage visible

Life starts all over again: On getting back to normal after miscarriage

I realise most people got over that beginning of autumn/new term feeling about a month ago, but due to two weeks of post-ERPC hibernation followed by an actual holiday in the sun I'm a bit behind. Last week was 'back to school' for me. Back in the office, back in the gym and, well, back… Continue reading Life starts all over again: On getting back to normal after miscarriage