By Steph (@crossing_everything) I thought my days of crying in work toilets were over. But a few months ago, when an unsolicited scan picture with the cheery caption ‘baby no.2 on the way!’ appeared on my phone, I was right back there. Silently crying in a soulless toilet cubicle, jealous of the simplicity of a […]
Category: Motherhood
The Mother of all Days
This is just a short note ahead of Mother’s Day to say that whatever you’re feeling this year, it really is OK. Most of all, whether you’ll be enduring social obligations through gritted teeth, pretending the day doesn’t exist, or joining in and celebrating at long last, please don’t feel guilty. When I asked people […]
You can’t ‘manifest’ a baby
Some things should be so obvious they don’t need saying. But apparently this really did. A week or so ago, I wrote a newspaper piece about the creeping trend for manifestation and the law of attraction and why this is a particularly unhelpful train of thought when it comes to fertility. Until the article was […]
Pregnancy after loss – a (gentle) survival guide
By the time you read this, it’ll have been more than a year since I was pregnant. This is only the second time this has been true in – what? – five years, now. The last time I could say it was when we took an extended break from trying to conceive after our fourth […]
Motherhood after miscarriage
In the days after my son was born, I would catch myself gazing around our house in wonder. Cards covered every surface, flowers spilled out of every vase we owned, while stacks of gifted baby clothes sat waiting to be put away. After four years of trying for a baby and four miscarriages we had […]
‘Will you have another one?’
It seems a bit mad that my – * checks notes * – third proper post since Edward was born is about the question of having another child, but I think the single most surprising thing for me about having a baby has been how quickly people ask when you’re going to do it all over again. […]
Both sides now
Since Edward was born, I find myself thinking in ways I promised myself I never would. It started with: Slow down. Stop growing! (Words that used to pierce like flint before, when I’d see other mums write them on social media, never for a second considering what it’s like when your baby does literally stop growing). Now, […]
Birth after loss
Well, hello. That ended up being a longer break than I expected. Our rainbow baby boy turned six months old last week so an update is well overdue. We’re all doing OK, despite what feels like daily batterings from the UK government and its response to covid-19. We’ve been locked down or under the strictest […]
The trouble with Christmas songs
We are both crying so hard I start to think we might have to pull the car over. It is Christmas Eve 2018 and we’re driving to my mum’s. It’s been six months since my fourth miscarriage. To brighten up our 40-mile pilgrimage up the A1(M), we’ve had bakery coffee, cinnamon buns, and Dan’s annual […]