Now that the schools have gone back, the café feels like neutral territory again. She reclaims her usual spot in the corner, takes out her book, waits for her coffee. In the holidays, it gets too loud for her here; the presence of everyone else’s children oppresses, the noise and sudden movements of so many […]
Category: Trying To Conceive
Sharp objects
It’s back to school season, and that means running the daily social media assault course of first-day-of-school pictures (I can’t be alone in thinking of it in these combative terms, can I?). A week-long parade of other people’s babies – and they do often look like mere babies, play-acting in their Big School uniforms – […]
The peculiar grief of blank spaces
There is a pregnancy of mine I haven’t written about before, for the simple reason that I don’t know for certain that it was actually a pregnancy. It happened (or didn’t happen, as the case may be) after we’d been trying to conceive for about six months, well before our first miscarriage. I was about […]
‘Have you tried…?’
As you may know, we are trying to conceive again after a break of a little over a year. There are lots of reasons why it has ended up being such a long gap, among them how utterly broken we both felt after our fourth miscarriage, and the decision to plan a long-haul holiday for […]
‘Just take a holiday…’
Often when we describe pregnancy loss as a taboo, what we really mean, I think, isn’t so much that it’s completely unmentionable – or impossible to admit to – and more that we feel other people have no idea what our lives are like afterwards. That sense of feeling invisible and not properly understood can […]
The audacity of hope?
I recently finished Michelle Obama’s autobiography. I bought it in its first week – along with literally a million other people. It is an incredibly warm, wise book – a book that says so much about womanhood, race, love, grief, marriage, privilege and, yes, politics. It’s full of lines that have you nodding along, thinking […]
Hibernation mode
Everything’s been a little bit quiet around here. Quiet on the reproductive front, as we’re not currently trying to conceive, not pregnant, and I have managed to go several months now without having a miscarriage (that’ll do uterus, that’ll do). Instead, I’ve been throwing myself into a lot of freelance writing and trying to figure […]
To the girl who is about to be 30
Dearest, Don’t worry. I know how you are really feeling about this birthday. And it’s neither of the answers you tend to give people when they ask – and they will ask – how you feel about turning 30. It’s not the faux, what-am-I-doing-with-my-life angst that everyone half expects, and which makes for easy self-deprecating […]
Guest monologue: Me and my unicorn
One thing I’m really keen to do with this blog as it grows is to share other people’s stories, like ours, that aren’t 2.4 straightforward when it comes to having a family. Monologues from other uteruses, if you will. (Or indeed any reproductive organs – all genders welcome). This post is by Sarah, who I […]