Stay positive. Just relax. Don’t stress. How often do you hear these things in relation to pregnancy or trying to conceive? I know they’re words well meant. But, actually, I find this always-look-on-brightside philosophy supremely unhelpful when it’s foisted upon me. In fact, nothing is guaranteed to fill me with more rage and general ill… Continue reading The negatives of positive thinking
And just like that, the due date for pregnancy number three has passed. In my head this was a big milestone. That somehow once it was behind us it would feel like freedom. Release. A neat conclusion to this over-long, unhappy chapter. The end. Fin. But, of course, there is no finish line to this… Continue reading The finish line
Nowhere is the dividing line more sharply drawn between women than between mothers and non-mothers. It transcends almost everything. Class. Race. Sexuality. Wherever you’re coming from, so the conventional wisdom has it, there’s a unifier there. A shared conversation. You’re a mum, so you understand. Just wait until you have children, then you’ll get it. It… Continue reading Am I a mother?
I originally wrote this as a Guest List for Clemmie Telford's brilliant blog Mother Of All Lists. But I thought I really should share it on here, too. I wrote this in the fog of miscarriage number 3, signed off work, in a slightly frenetic mood trying to Do Something (anything) to feel normal again.… Continue reading How to feel better after a miscarriage
‘I’ll say this straight away,’ the consultant says as he pushes opens the door to his office. ‘I’m not going to tell you anything bad. It’s not bad news. ‘All the tests results came back negative. We didn’t find anything. And that’s good. I’ll quickly explain why.’ He starts rattling through all the different clotting… Continue reading No news is good news
Just a quick one this week. A thought for the day, if you like. I’ve spent most of the weekend curled up with the journalist Dolly Alderton’s book Everything I Know About Love. I inhaled it, drinking in every word, pausing only for more tea and another round of toast. It’s a memoir, and it… Continue reading Your life is here, now
Last week was a bad week. Not so much the blues as the mean reds, as Holly Golightly has it. Suddenly you’re afraid and you don’t know what you’re afraid of. The 14th marked a whole year since our first miscarriage. And while I’m feeling a bit brighter now, I thought I would take the opportunity… Continue reading Bad days
Back in November, just as most sensible people were gearing up for the Christmas onslaught of office parties, lunchtime mulled wine, and endless oh-go-on-then prosecco, I decided to stop drinking. I did 30 completely dry days to start with. Then gave myself a bit of leeway for a couple of parties and work events, but… Continue reading Not pregnant, not drinking
There’s a meme that surfaces on social media in January: I can’t believe it’s been an entire year since I didn’t become a better person. Well, the new year is almost here and I can’t believe it’s been an entire year since I didn’t become a mother. Last January was, ironically, the first January in… Continue reading 2017: The year I learnt to fail
A few pages into Trying, I had to close it and put it down. Not because it wasn’t good. It is. Really good, in fact. But it was painful, too. The flashes of recognition hit me with a force that was almost like being winded. I needed a second to catch my breath. As you… Continue reading Book review: Trying by Emily Phillips
