Since Edward was born, I find myself thinking in ways I promised myself I never would. It started with: Slow down. Stop growing! (Words that used to pierce like flint before, when I’d see other mums write them on social media, never for a second considering what it’s like when your baby does literally stop growing). Now, […]
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Birth after loss
Well, hello. That ended up being a longer break than I expected. Our rainbow baby boy turned six months old last week so an update is well overdue. We’re all doing OK, despite what feels like daily batterings from the UK government and its response to covid-19. We’ve been locked down or under the strictest […]
Any day now
Will this be the week I give birth? Could it be tomorrow or later today, even? One way or the other, it will be this month, at least. Somehow, I still can’t wrap my head around the idea. My mum messaged me the other day, checking in, and said how this time last year I […]
Can miscarriage be prevented?
A brief life update, as I haven’t blogged for a while – I’m now 38 weeks pregnant. Officially at term and trying to get my head around it being OK for this pregnancy to end (soon!) after so many weeks of willing our little one to stay safe inside just that bit longer…. I thought […]
On beauty and terror
Here is a sentence I almost daren’t write: In less than three months’ time, I will have a baby. My official due date is no longer a vague point on a hazy horizon but galloping into sharp focus. Not that you’d guess as much, were you to ask us how the preparations are going. Dan […]
COVID-19: Some fears and some facts
It’s difficult to know what to write at times like these. My anxiety that something will go wrong with this pregnancy (our fifth) reached new heights this week. It’s been surreal feeling my nebulous, shapeless worries harden into concrete, very real fears in the face of the COVID-19 pandemic. Will I still be able to have […]
Guest monologue: Miscarriage and pregnancy in the shadow of a pandemic
When this post from a reader landed in my inbox this week, it could not have been better timed…It said so many things I have been thinking and feeling, but haven’t been able to process properly yet. As you probably know by now, I am pregnant for a fifth time (you can read more about […]
Guest monologue: Whatever you say, please don’t say ‘at least’
A guest post by Isla, @izzymatt ‘At least…..’ ‘At least’ is a phrase I’ve heard so often in our journey through secondary infertility and, in truth, I imagine it’s probably the most used phrase tossed towards anyone who has suffered through loss. It’s so terribly British. Our stiff upper lip sensibilities draw us immediately to […]
Guest monologue: ‘I felt like a fraud’ – pregnancy after recurrent loss
A guest post by Cerys I had my first miscarriage in November 2017. An early private scan, just because we’re naturally cautious, showed at seven weeks that we had an embryo measuring just five. Going private (as the NHS won’t scan that early without specific reasons) made the experience so much worse: we didn’t know […]