Am I a mother?

Nowhere is the dividing line more sharply drawn between women than between mothers and non-mothers. It transcends almost everything. Class. Race. Sexuality. Wherever you’re coming from, so the conventional wisdom has it, there’s a unifier there. A shared conversation. You’re a mum, so you understand. Just wait until you have children, then you’ll get it.  It… Continue reading Am I a mother?

A few words: What to say and do when someone you know has a miscarriage

What to say when someone has a miscarriage

Words matter. Words can hurt, but they can also heal. Back in August, the brilliant people at The Miscarriage Association launched an equally brilliant campaign on what to say when someone you know has a miscarriage. Everyone’s different, of course, but based on real-life experiences they’ve put together a list of what’s helpful to hear… Continue reading A few words: What to say and do when someone you know has a miscarriage

The box under the bed: making miscarriage visible

The problem with miscarriage is that as well as being silent – i.e. no one really talks about it – it’s also invisible. Often there’s been no pregnancy announcement, there was no visible bump, no scan pictures, no ‘gender reveal’; no evidence at all, in fact, that there ever was a baby. And it’s hard… Continue reading The box under the bed: making miscarriage visible

When it comes in threes

I’ve had another miscarriage. And that makes three, folks! Here’s the thing no one ever tells you about miscarriages. Sometimes it just happens without you noticing. It’s not like what you might imagine, or occasionally see on TV. There’s no sudden burst of pain, no dramatic gush of blood (although it can happen that way,… Continue reading When it comes in threes

It doesn’t just go away

Today's lesson in Miscarriage 101: It doesn't just go away. What I mean by this is it's not as simple as one day you're pregnant, the next day you're not. Both physically and psychologically it’s messier than that. When I had my first miscarriage there was a line from an old episode of Sex and… Continue reading It doesn’t just go away