All the leaflets they give you after a miscarriage or other kind of baby loss tend to tell you sympathetic but vague things. A soup of words such as ‘profound emotional impact’, ‘bereavement period’ and ‘time to recover’ swim and muddle themselves on the page, while you’re still trying to comprehend what has happened. Just […]
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about things that help. Not just in those initial raw, grief-soaked days and weeks after a loss, but in the longer term. I took part in Bide & Bloom’s #thebigselfcareshare the other week, and it’s been on my mind a lot since then. One thing I didn’t mention in […]
I’m often late. Not by a lot, just by five or ten minutes, usually. Enough to make me sweat and feel like everything is a disaster. It’s something I really dislike about myself and I’m never quite sure why it happens, because I’m a pretty organised person at heart. Perhaps it’s eternal optimism. Trying to […]
And just like that, the due date for pregnancy number three has passed. In my head this was a big milestone. That somehow once it was behind us it would feel like freedom. Release. A neat conclusion to this over-long, unhappy chapter. The end. Fin. But, of course, there is no finish line to this […]
‘I’ll say this straight away,’ the consultant says as he pushes opens the door to his office. ‘I’m not going to tell you anything bad. It’s not bad news. ‘All the tests results came back negative. We didn’t find anything. And that’s good. I’ll quickly explain why.’ He starts rattling through all the different clotting […]
Last week was a bad week. Not so much the blues as the mean reds, as Holly Golightly has it. Suddenly you’re afraid and you don’t know what you’re afraid of. The 14th marked a whole year since our first miscarriage. And while I’m feeling a bit brighter now, I thought I would take the opportunity […]
Back in November, just as most sensible people were gearing up for the Christmas onslaught of office parties, lunchtime mulled wine, and endless oh-go-on-then prosecco, I decided to stop drinking. I did 30 completely dry days to start with. Then gave myself a bit of leeway for a couple of parties and work events, but […]
A few pages into Trying, I had to close it and put it down. Not because it wasn’t good. It is. Really good, in fact. But it was painful, too. The flashes of recognition hit me with a force that was almost like being winded. I needed a second to catch my breath. As you […]
‘Clear your diaries, get the time booked off… I’m not sure how much news this really is, but anyway, it’s April.’ With these wry words the BBC’s Simon McCoy announced the due date of the Duchess of Cambridge’s third child. April. I took a deep breath. Why did it have to be April? My baby was supposed […]
The Uterus Monologues: Miscarriage, motherhood and me 