Am I a mother?

Nowhere is the dividing line more sharply drawn between women than between mothers and non-mothers. It transcends almost everything. Class. Race. Sexuality. Wherever you’re coming from, so the conventional wisdom has it, there’s a unifier there. A shared conversation. You’re a mum, so you understand. Just wait until you have children, then you’ll get it.  It… Continue reading Am I a mother?

Your life is here, now

Just a quick one this week. A thought for the day, if you like. I’ve spent most of the weekend curled up with the journalist Dolly Alderton’s book Everything I Know About Love. I inhaled it, drinking in every word, pausing only for more tea and another round of toast. It’s a memoir, and it… Continue reading Your life is here, now

Testing times: How our recurrent miscarriage investigations are going

As some of you who follow me on Instagram will know, we had our first appointment at the recurrent miscarriage clinic a few weeks ago. And while it’s a bit of a blogger cliché to say ‘a lot of you have been asking: blah blah’, a few of you have been asking how it went. (Thank… Continue reading Testing times: How our recurrent miscarriage investigations are going

A few words: What to say and do when someone you know has a miscarriage

What to say when someone has a miscarriage

Words matter. Words can hurt, but they can also heal. Back in August, the brilliant people at The Miscarriage Association launched an equally brilliant campaign on what to say when someone you know has a miscarriage. Everyone’s different, of course, but based on real-life experiences they’ve put together a list of what’s helpful to hear… Continue reading A few words: What to say and do when someone you know has a miscarriage

The box under the bed: making miscarriage visible

The problem with miscarriage is that as well as being silent – i.e. no one really talks about it – it’s also invisible. Often there’s been no pregnancy announcement, there was no visible bump, no scan pictures, no ‘gender reveal’; no evidence at all, in fact, that there ever was a baby. And it’s hard… Continue reading The box under the bed: making miscarriage visible

When it comes in threes

I’ve had another miscarriage. And that makes three, folks! Here’s the thing no one ever tells you about miscarriages. Sometimes it just happens without you noticing. It’s not like what you might imagine, or occasionally see on TV. There’s no sudden burst of pain, no dramatic gush of blood (although it can happen that way,… Continue reading When it comes in threes

Due date

Yesterday was our due date from the first pregnancy. Or it should have been. Like many women who miscarry, I’ve been dreading it. After we lost the baby in January, all I wanted (apart from to have not miscarried in the first place) was to be pregnant again by July 29. That, I thought, would… Continue reading Due date

Body fat composition . . . Foie gras

I thought I’d write about something that I’ve not seen given much airtime – even in pieces about pregnancy loss – and that’s body image after miscarriage. Perhaps it’s simply too shallow for words, and that’s why it’s not really mentioned, but it’s definitely been a thing for me, and if that makes me shallow,… Continue reading Body fat composition . . . Foie gras

The first miscarriage

As my husband Dan drives me to the hospital, the gripping pain in my abdomen intensifies. It comes in waves and instinctively I try to breathe through it — the way women in labour are supposed to. But when I realise what I’m doing, I start to cry. Because I am not having a baby,… Continue reading The first miscarriage

The versions of us

Somewhere out there in an alternative universe is a version of me who is 31 weeks pregnant. Swollen, and a bit hot in this weather, but, still, happy. She’s down to the last button on her maternity dungarees – she’s huge! – and the nursery is painted (dove grey, a cliché, but practical). The cot… Continue reading The versions of us