Well, hello. That ended up being a longer break than I expected. Our rainbow baby boy turned six months old last week so an update is well overdue. We’re all doing OK, despite what feels like daily batterings from the UK government and its response to covid-19. We’ve been locked down or under the strictest […]
Category: Pregnancy after loss
A birthday
Just a short note to introduce you to Edward, our son, who arrived last week – all of a sudden and at long last. He is truly the brightest of rainbows after a storm. Born during a global pandemic, conceived when hope was fading, after four miscarriages and their attendant grief, which had settled over […]
Any day now
Will this be the week I give birth? Could it be tomorrow or later today, even? One way or the other, it will be this month, at least. Somehow, I still can’t wrap my head around the idea. My mum messaged me the other day, checking in, and said how this time last year I […]
On beauty and terror
Here is a sentence I almost daren’t write: In less than three months’ time, I will have a baby. My official due date is no longer a vague point on a hazy horizon but galloping into sharp focus. Not that you’d guess as much, were you to ask us how the preparations are going. Dan […]
COVID-19: Some fears and some facts
It’s difficult to know what to write at times like these. My anxiety that something will go wrong with this pregnancy (our fifth) reached new heights this week. It’s been surreal feeling my nebulous, shapeless worries harden into concrete, very real fears in the face of the COVID-19 pandemic. Will I still be able to have […]
Mother love
If you’re still reeling from this weekend – it was Mothering Sunday here in the UK – please know you’re not alone. In the past I’ve under-estimated not only how hard days like this can hit you, but how long it can take to recover your equilibrium afterwards. You’re not being ‘weak’ or ‘pathetic’ (or […]
Guest monologue: Miscarriage and pregnancy in the shadow of a pandemic
When this post from a reader landed in my inbox this week, it could not have been better timed…It said so many things I have been thinking and feeling, but haven’t been able to process properly yet. As you probably know by now, I am pregnant for a fifth time (you can read more about […]
Pregnant again: What I did (and didn’t do) differently
Let’s get something out of the way first, as I appreciate the post heading here is rather click-bait-y, this isn’t going to be a post that offers easy answers. Yes, I’m pregnant again, and, yes, we’ve made it to 22 weeks so far (and counting…every agonising day and tremulous kick). But there’s been no ‘a-ha!’ […]
On disappointment
Sometimes I wonder if everything that’s happened has changed my personality in some fundamental way. In particular, I’ve noticed that my reflex these days is to expect things to go wrong. Not just pregnancy related stuff, but all my stuff: work, home, life admin. All and any of my carefully laid plans. I will get […]